


sick of losing soulmates

by alongwinter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 03:36:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18160973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alongwinter/pseuds/alongwinter
Summary: You’ve always been a whisper in the back of Natasha’s mind, a reminder to be rational and safe. She’s never broken those vows.Or, five times Natasha kept her promises, and the one time she didn’t.





	sick of losing soulmates

i. 

It’s was a cold and dreary day the first time you met her, much like now. Natasha was the sun peaking through the clouds during a horrendous winter storm, and you were forever grateful for the warmth. Her touch was always solid, grounding in the very best of ways. 

Now, though, you were alone in this arctic tundra. Whoever had taken you from your bed had hosed you and the others down, stuck you in the barn like livestock to watch you freeze. The others, if you dared to think about it, had been unresponsive for some time. You’d never seen their faces, not in this lifetime or any before, but your heart still panged at the thought of someone else’s loss. 

The sound of the wood creaking against the ice was loud, the patron’s footsteps ominous in the ways your system flooded with adrenaline. You tried to will your body to stop shaking, but it wouldn’t,  _couldn’t_ , listen. Breathing in short and shallow puffs, the tension and fear fled out of your body when you saw the speck of red hair under the fur laced hood. 

“I promised you I’d come, did I not?” She said, wrapping a blanket around your frozen shoulders. The clothes were wet and sticking to your skin, causing her to wince in sympathy. You were lucky, she figured, like a four-leaf clover hidden in the grass. She’d always known you wouldn’t go down so easily. Especially, Natasha decided, not like this. 

ii. 

“What is infinite?” You’d asked one night, head upon her shoulder as your fingers trailed the curve between her breasts. Late night talks were few and far between, but when they came, they were magnificent. 

No one would ever see Natasha this vulnerable anywhere but in your arms. 

“The universe and the greed of men,” she replied, pressing a smile into your hair. You nipped at her skin, and she thinks you look like a baby lion, top lip pulled back in mock offense, teeth sharp and biting. It’s playful, and she’s floating.

“You’re ridiculous,” you sighed, “but you’re not wrong. Sometimes, I wish we were infinite.”

“Who says we aren’t?”

“Uh,” you paused, “Everything?”

“We may not live forever, but I have a good track record so far.” She slid down, meeting your curious eyes and a small, shy grin. Natasha leans in close, brushing your noses together softly before tilting her head, kissing the corner of your mouth, the other side, everywhere but where you want her. You huff as Natasha laughs softly, leaning in and kissing your lips.

Her mouth grazes yours, “I will always come home to you.”

iii. 

“You’re just as fucked up as me,” she hissed, staring at you with eyes blank and words laced with fury. “Don’t pretend you’re some innocent angel.”

You scoffed, “Don’t throw that in my face, you know what you did was wrong!”

She looked down, fists clenched. It was tearing her apart, you knew, as she tried to balance a life with you and a purpose as a hero, someone and something she’d always longed to be. Nat was important, now. Saving people and fighting the very establishment she was raised in was a huge part of her life. You couldn’t bear to watch this eat at her subconscious any longer. 

“You can’t switch back to the mindless little soldier every time you make me angry,” you whispered, “It doesn’t, it  _can’t_  work like that. I won’t lose you to them in some fucked up vendetta, baby.”

“I can’t be alone again,” Natasha whispered, broken and afraid.

“All we’ve ever had was each other,” you said, grabbing her jaw, “That’s all we need. You aren’t losing me, not like this. Got it?” 

“I got it.”

iv. 

“That’s it, котенок,” She praised, twisting her palm slightly as she watched you move with rapt attention. Your body arches and grinds so beautifully, she wonders how she got so lucky. You were so tight around her, wet and glistening in the soft light. Natasha wants to drink you in like whiskey. 

You moaned as you fucked yourself back on her hand, “Please, Nat, let me come.” 

She laughs darkly, pushing you onto your back as she crawls over you. Pressing her fingers into your mouth, you groan at the taste of yourself on her hot hands. It’s bliss, until she pulls back, kissing your breasts open and wet. She trails her mouth down your body, licking at your most sensitive spots. 

She hikes your hips up, hands placed on your ass to hold you partially in the air. Gasping, you move and arch into the openness, desperate for something more than absent touches and teasing. 

Natasha kisses your clit quickly, once, twice, before pulling the hard bud into her mouth and sucking. Moans and whimpers fall from your lips before she pulls back, licking a line from your slit and up once more. 

She pulls back slightly, looking at your flushed and needy face, “I’ll always make you come, sweetheart.”

v. 

“I think I’m falling in love with you,” Natasha whispers, eyes locked on her dinner plate as if she can see a message or a vision through the food. It’s slightly unsettling, but the words are even more so. 

“What?” You ask, only slightly oblivious to her internal panic. The flutter in Natasha’s heart and the shiver in her step is new and frightening, untouched territory she didn’t know she was capable of. It makes her ache, crave to be close and never let go. 

You understand, as this feels like permanence. Real, and incomparable. 

“You know what I said,” she sighed, closing her eyes in rightful anguish. 

You stood, moving around the table as you pulled her chair out, creating enough space for you to slide down into her lap, strong thighs supporting you as you placed light and open kisses along her face, “I love you, too.”

“Does it scare you?” She asked, hands wrapping around your waist, face pressed to your soft chest.

“No, it feels right.”

“For me, too.”

You smile into her hair. 

\+ i. 

You were waiting at the compound, book in your lap and feet curled up underneath you. It was quiet, peaceful, until Bucky comes into the room, looking somber and broken. You know the look well, but your ignorance is profound tonight as you ask him what’s wrong. 

He blinks into the open surface of the table, “I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” You ask cautiously, a dangerous edge to your voice. 

“Natalia, she–” he stops, voice cracking as he gathers his thoughts, “She jumped in front, it was meant for me,  _for me_ , and she just–” 

He falls apart then as the foundation under your feet rocks, tilting to the side and off center. It’s groundbreaking, the heartbreak and utter betrayal you feel in this moment. It shatters your very soul as you stare at Bucky, unblinking in the face of his anguish. 

You hear it now, the roar of his denial, fury, five stages of grief hit you like a brick to the face. The tears don’t come, no matter how bad you feel like falling apart, you can’t. The promise she repeated as always flashes across your mind, leaving a blue flame of hysteria and violence in its wake. 

Maybe, you think, this is your denial. But the promise of ferocity, like a lion, is sweet on your tongue. A taste, you think, Natasha was familiar with. 

Revenge, you decided then, was infinite. 


End file.
